Walmarts and Best Buys around the nation saw record numbers of college students lining up to purchase the latest must-have video game, Call of Duty: Medieval Warfare.
Players take the role of noble knights and peasant rabble wielding low-tech weapons such as spears and crossbows in Capture the Princess, Search and Crucify, and other exciting gameplay modes.
"Bro, I love the broadsword- it's so awesome when you can take some dude's head off in one blow", said Brock Miller of Ann Arbor, Michigan. Miller and his friends had been lined up outside the local EB Games since 10am Tuesday, sustained by a supply of Red Bull and beef jerky.
The popular kill streak bonuses return in this latest installment. For example, 3 kills launches a scout from a catapult who screams out enemy positions before he slams into the side of a hill, and 5 kills allows the player to call in a storm of arrows from off-screen.
CoD: Medieval Warfare has drawn considerable criticism from politicians and media watchdog groups, none of whom have actually played the game. Much of the criticism was due to a level where the player takes control of a Viking raider who participates in the massacre and rape of a peaceful French hamlet. Developer Infinity Ward commented, "We were simply trying to convey that the medieval world was a violent place. We're confident that gamers will not grow red beards, carry battle axes, and proceed to violate the hot girl next door after playing our game." Their statement also said that an option to skip this scene is available for certain players that one IW programmer called, "lemon-scented liberal pussies".
The game received high scores across the board from gaming magazines and websites. In its review, Gamespot awarded Medieval Warfare a perfect 10.0 and wrote, "The extreme hype prefacing this game had nothing to do with our score. Even though the single-player game lasts a record-low 2.5 hours, the realistic graphics alone make it worth the $59.99."
The primary draw of Medieval Warfare is the burgeoning online multiplayer experience. Will Johnson of Ithaca, NY said, "I use the Jihad perk which gives me extra health and all the noobs whine about it. God I love pwning 12 year-olds on Xbox Live." Some complained about the lack of balance, as the crossbow allowed inexperienced players to kill hardcore paladin knights in one shot. Apparently these people have never heard of Richard the Lionhearted.
Despite gameplay issues and the controversy, Medieval Warfare has already sold 500,000 copies and is expected to sell a billion more by the end of the year, single-handedly ending the recession.

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